People always say “look on the bright side.” It’s a phrase meant to force you to only seeing the positives in situation. Unless you’re sitting in the dark, in which case it’s cruel and obnoxious. There is no bright side in a dark room.
My friend Paul is one of these people. He even shoves it down your throat on Twitter:
One of the few things in this world that can't be recycled is wasted time. Make sure to treasure each moment and progress daily.—
Paul King (@pking2011) May 24, 2012
Disgusting, I know.
I am a deeply cynical person. Whenever something comes up, I question it. I question people’s motives. I question situations. Why? Is it some journalist holdover? No, probably not – I just don’t trust everything on the surface of a situation.
So in an attempt to better myself as a human being – and dramatically cut down on my street fighting career – I have decided to see the positives in life. No, this doesn’t mean I’m going to start wearing pastels and tell you all how brilliant you are. You’re not, so don’t kid yourself. Neither is your child.
There are few things that naturally get me to smile. Sure, friends and family occasionally crack this cruel, dark and cynical heart. But there are some things that get me to open up and completely lose it.
Animals (except ferrets)
Why animals? Because I’ve never seen a dog Hitler, that’s why. People are manipulative. Animals are pretty open about what they want, and the meager expectations they have of you are rewarded by a lifetime of bonding.
Videos of mascots falling down
West Virginia University is in such a priveleged position. Its mascot doesn’t feature a grown man or woman in an elaborate costume that effectively hides the person inside. Those that do, however, are susceptible to ridiculous antics and nothing makes me laugh harder and lose my proverbial business more than seeing a giant mouse throw cheese into a spectator and falling down. Within an instant, their dignity, their life, becomes hell. Glorious.
Oh, sure, I get pleasure out of friends and family. But nothing quite like those two. I’m probably oversimplifying it, but I don’t owe you anything, so back off.